Well here I am at the 100 day stage of this 154 voyage of exploration. From tomorrow I believe this is the longest I have ever been away from Australia, and for the first time I’m doing it all by myself. I’ve seen some weird, wonderful and different things during this trip; from bullfighting, to art and culture, to pub crawls, to Mardi Gras, to nature, to bella women. I’ve met some great people and had a wonderful time with most things working out for me (with one exception in Paris). What have I really learned during this trip so far? Is it art appreciation (no – but art is wonderful), is it history appreciation (no – already loved history).
No the thing I have really learnt most is about me. Thanks to heaps of different people, and one person in particular, I’ve starting to lose all the self doubt that I’ve have during my life that has paralysed me and stopped me achieving what I want most. I understand we all have self-doubt and fears. I ´m also beginning to understand that I can actually relate to people and that I have lead an interesting life and others will appreciate me and my opinions if I give them a chance. I’m learning to drop the defences and roll with it if someone makes fun of me. I’ve decided to start backing myself a whole lot more from this point on (well I’ve been moving this way for a little while now).
I’ve finally found some direction again. For those who really know me they know I need goals to attempt to reach to be really happy and I haven ´t really had them for awhile now. I achieved all my earlier life goals, most of them earlier than I thought possible (mostly career and finances), however the real goals, personal growth, relationships etc I’ve backed away from, mostly because of self-doubt and fear of failure. I now fear not trying a lot more then failure. If I fail so what, at least I tried. I think you will see a more focused and happy person when I return to Australia. I know I’ve still have doubts and that at times I’ll fall into old habits but it ´s time to face the future and to start believing in myself and stop making excuses for why I shouldn’t do something. I ´m really happy again, but more importantly I ´m relaxed for the first time in who I am. I also miss certain people back in Australia including my nephews and niece, home is really were the heart is in my case.